The Best

There are so many times I feel like I'm dangling from the motherhood rope with my fingertips barely keeping hold and my feet flailing below.  I never can quite do it all, but I also know we aren't meant to.  That is where I'm constantly trying to figure out the good, the better, or the best use of my time.  I know I can't do it all.  There is not enough time in the day, week, or year to get to everything I crave to do.  There is not enough time in life.  That is why I yearn to prioritize the things I'm most passionate about.  The other things can fall through the cracks if they need to, instead of my most treasured things.  I feel a little sick to my stomach on the days I go to bed knowing I could have done better.  That is where Anne Shirley's voice pops into my head, "Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."   I'm far from perfect,  but trying to be a bit better is a lot less overwhelming than perfectionism. 

After tucking sick Benny into bed tonight, I spent a little while dying eggs with Jake and Claire.  We've already had a couple different egg decorating sessions and egg hunts, but that hasn't satisfied their longing.  They don't care that we are now past Easter.  We painted on the porch.  Jake knocked over two different cups of dye.  We wiped it up, painted, laughed.  After we finished, Jake told me I am the best mom ever.  I laughed and he said, "What? it's true!"  Claire was thrilled about the pink and purple.  The way she says pink is darling.  She was thrilled about me coloring princess crowns on them.  I hid the eggs we colored.  Claire was so excited she found one that she ran around the yard in circles doing a little low hiiiyaaa kick.  I laughed with my heart nearly bursting with her cuteness.  In that moment I thought, " I'm not doing half bad."  My kids are happy.   I love them.  I don't do everything perfectly with them.  But I love them.  They are the best use of my time.